Bitch, please.

Bitch, please.
Sometimes really rude people call Rowan Oak. And there's nothing I can do about it. And I can never help them with their bitchy complaints. I can't make it less muddy. I can't make the stairs any less steep. I can do nothing to change to the overall location of the house. And you can't get in for free, old people. Stop trying. And you, redneck momma lady. Learn some phone etiquette. You don't just repeatedly blurt out, "Well whadda ya got?" on the phone. And I can't help that we aren't a children's museum. My point: quit your bitching. Or I'll cut off your finger and give you something worthy of actual bitching.

Urine
Green tea looks like piss. So does this glass of stuff in my refrigerator. I've been told that it's passionfruit (yes, passionfruit, Miranda) juice, but I don't know if I trust this source. Because she leaves Nutella spoons lying about my house and steals my shit.

Topix
Sometimes I spend many hours of my life reading Topix forums from my hometown. And all I can think is "Damn. Spelling and grammar pose problems for these people." I seriously sometimes cannot understand the postings because no one uses a period in the correct place. And when they do put a period, there is no subject. S+V+O, people.

Fame! She's gonna live forever...

I just saw Rachel Jenkins on the TV Guide Channel. What the hell? Rachel on the same show as Justin Guarini? Why do I know who Justin Guarini is?

Thumbs of Fury and a Qwerty Keyboard, Among Other Things

Why do I have to know someone on American Idol? It makes me feel compelled to vote for him. For a long time, I refused. I was not going to cave. And then I did. He's in the finale, so I just had to vote. And I did. Kris Allen, you got many votes from me. And that last song you sang was terrible. Kara DioGuardi wrote you guys a heaping pile of shit.

I voted in between preparing resumes and job applications. I really need one of those job things.

Oh, good. Kris won. Now life can go on. Maybe Kris could do UCA commercials instead of Scottie Pippen.